So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
