there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You have to summon your inner elephant
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
