Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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