You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
