Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We are all done wearing pants today
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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