It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
whose ass print is on the piano?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
