TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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