I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
