I wanna bring you to show and tell
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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