From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
