I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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