your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
