who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
