I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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