just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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