I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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