She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
