please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
