Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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