Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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