too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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