you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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