I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
did i just pee glitter
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
