this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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