i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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