Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
