These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
