just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
