i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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