dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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