Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
