I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
