You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
