Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
