That's intense
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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