Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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