dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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