Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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