i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
