We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
