your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
