i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
