I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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