Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
