Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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