what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
