he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
