I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
