She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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