Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
