He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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