exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just had sex bonerless
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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