I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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